Strange it is to sit like this: in the middle of the night, in the middle of sleeping forms of my parents and sister. Just a half a day ago we were all standing in the doorway, everyone shouting something, threatening to punch each other. We screamed, we almost tore each other’s troughs and now the night has come over us, has silenced the pointless shouting. The night, just as it has come, will retreat and a new day will begin. A new day, but what of it? What good is this new day for a family traitor? A traitor, who is not to leave the one who was betrayed. What can be expected of coming day? More shouting? More heart gripping fear? More salty tears? What good is this kind of life? What is it to learn from it? Patience or silence?
The anger, it is the most disturbing thing rooted in the base of our house. You can almost touch it when the unhappiest person climbs up to the second floor, to present us with yet another fight. The anger, it is so thick, it radiates, it pushes you back, as a cold gust wind going right through your soul. It is a desperate anger, the anger of one who has nothing to loose. The anger of the unhappiest one. He has no real friends, he has no loving family, there is no occupation he truly likes doing. He is truly, truly the saddest person. What can I do? Create this non existing family? Find the non required friends? What is it that I can do to make him a happier person? In no condition it is to shout back at him, I will not surrender to such manipulation. All I can do is to try to calm him down and to try to explain him… what? Why the grass is green? I am at a loss. I don’t know what is to be done. To run, to leave him alone? His biggest fear is to be left alone.