Day after day nothing changes: just like a circle, round and round without any clear end. Just four days ago I was declared to be a parasite, a person with a stone instead of a heart, all because I didn’t commend mother to do something. How can I command anyone, why should anyone follow my words? I see no reason, especially when talking about family members. I am actually a parasite of some kind, probably the one that slowly grows on the trees, ignorant to all what is around: rain, sunshine or cold. What good is it to be such a thing in life? Oh Life, for what are you preparing me? Why do need to go through such training? Yes, it is not for me to know, or to understand. The question, however, still lingers in my mind: do I have to continue this little theater of masks or should take some other means to live within this family? For what should I use this time: to establish the already developing skill, or to search for other methods? You will never know until you try. Indeed, but I hope I know father good enough. Other methods than unconditional love from me and from others, in other words he craves for ideal family. I can not give such a thing to him. I just hope that this thing I won’t have to regret later. I wonder sometimes, just when did our family break down. Was it even given the chance to live through the first year of the marriage? I doubt, but if so what holds my dear parents together? I cannot believe that they are so afraid to dare and start life once again, afraid of the unknown, afraid to loose this pile of shit we have now. It is cruel to say so, perhaps I am such insolent brat , I don’t value what I have, what me parents worked so hard to gain. But what good is the drop dead gorgeous house built on the rotten base. I don’t’ need luxury if I don’t know what love is like.