I want to shout, to scream, yet my voice denies me this wish. I stand naked in front of the world, no clothes to hide myself in, nowhere to run, to escape. I equally wait and dread my 18th birthday. I don’t know what will happen, how they will react. Will I do what I plan to do? Will I have the courage to pull it through? And even so, how will she react, in fact it is all because of I have the right to do so, not because I need it? Is it so? Is it not because I wish to say all I have been bottling in myself through all these years? All this disdain, calling names, shouting, accusing, throwing back the past, oh how all of this makes me bitter. I will tell him all of this because he has the right to know the truth. The truth that I am not just a cold hearted bitch, who feels nothing, that I more than just a piece of shit as he has so many times had called me. I will make his words “ you are no daughter to me” come true. He has no right to act like this. Though I should thank him that all his attempts to make me cry in fact made me a stronger person, a person he wouldn’t like as his daughter. Soon I will be in right age to tell him that were is no “ when you will grow up you will understand”, I know that I saw, what I heard, and what I felt. I remember it all. I don’t hate him, as he is just a child, but I detest the way he treats people close to him. I despite this with all my little cold – killer heart.