Things I carry

You do not know me, but that is not a big problem, as often even I wonder if I know myself at all. However, what I do know, and you are about to know, are the things I carry. Just like I check the insides of my bag each time before leaving home, I like to be aware of the overall weight I carry as well.
Some people say that the inside of a woman’s bag is like a mirror of her personality. I do not know if it is the truth, but lets test it: I don’t leave home without my old mobile phone, my white childish watch, green toy-like purse stuffed with discount cards and most importantly I do not leave my home without taking at least one book. (I learned that carrying a book is a good charm against boredom.) So what does it mean? Am I a grown up still clinging to the days of my childhood? Or maybe I am still a child trying to be like a grown up? Who knows?
I do not like to carry many things with me. However, some comes together even without my consent. One of such is my past, my memories; I carry a lot of them. Some of them are bad and are arduous to carry, some are pleasant and weight very little, but all of them are incredibly valuable for me as a person, so carrying them is a matter of me being myself.
But my past is not nearly as heavy as the present moment. The most pointless thing I am made to carry is the expectations of other people. In addition comes fear of not meeting them, which is like carrying a heavy white bear on your shoulders. However, my expectations of myself are even more difficult to tend to, especially when they are set according to characters from my most favorite books. To make it clearer I can say that it is really difficult to be perfect being, without wanting to drown myself in the nearest river.
But nothing in this world happens without reason. Carrying a heavy load of past and present I learned to live between the present and the future. I became an optimist facing towards the future. My optimism outweighs everything else, allowing me to go forward, to seek to be someone. The trick here is just not to falter, not to forget that future is not set in stone, that it most definitely will be better than today.